"You spoony bard!" - Tellah, Final Fantasy IV ************************************************************************************ Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Episode 201 THE TORTUROUS TALE: "'A Lesson in History' or 'The Story of the Yaoi Monkey'" by Onsce a.k.a. Avanent ************************************************************************************ I'M SPENDING MY LIFE TO DEFEAT _YOU_, DISCLAIMER!: All Sailor Moon chracters are the property of Takeuchi Naoko-sama. All Ranma characters are the property of Takahashi Rumiko-san. All your Tuxedo Jack are belong to me. *Slap* Sorry, Thinker moment there. MST3K belongs to Best Brains. The fic being riffed herein belongs to Onsce, a good friend of mine from school, and he's also the Avanent who guested in either episode 11 or 12 - I can't really remember, and I'm too damned lazy to look it up. Finally, the riffing herein is meant as a humorous sideline to the story, and I mean no harm. (RANMA: (Kirk) We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, we come in peace, shoot to kill, Scotty, beam me up! JACK: Shut _UP_, Ranma!) ************************************************************************************ The second season and first arc are over! Now onto the more interesting villains and villainesses... ************************************************************************************ In the not-too-distant future, Out on the SoS, The Senshi and Tuxedo Jack Deal with another pest! They killed off the villain known as Wiseman (Who has by now probably been damned) They returned to the SoS victorious, But Souichi Tomoe's back and man, Now he sure is pissed! (HOTARU: Souichi-papa!) (Eudial) So we're sending them crappy fanfics, (Mimette) The worst there can possibly be, (la la la) (Viluy) They'll have to sit and read them all (Tellu) And they'll lose their sanity! (la la la) (Cyprine and Pucherol) Now this time they can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (la la la) They're gonna lose their sanity And then our clothes they're going to mend! SENSHI ROLL CALL! Setsuna! (Oh, him again?) Hotaru! (Souichi-papa! You came back!) Teenage Rini! (*Sigh* I guess he'll never learn.) Amy! (Damn, all the men love me!) (Tomoe) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "We're gonna study that, Now take a deep breath and relax!" For Mystery Death Buster Theater 3000! *Twang* HOTARU: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Someone made a mistake in the theme song! JACK: Yeah, isn't that supposed to read "Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000?" HOTARU: It's in our contracts! MAGIC VOICE: *Sound of paper rustling* Hmm, I suppose you're right. Oh, well. that just meant that you were going to send the fics to them from now on. *Fixes theme and clicks off P.A.* JACK: No, wait, that... HOTARU: Damn. ************************************************************************************ (Scene: SoS bridge. I don't know why I'm calling it the SoS, since for the last three episodes, I've been calling it the Eisei no Senshi.) JACK: Hey, guys! Welcome back to the Satellite of Senshi - MAGIC VOICE: Ahem. JACK: Oh, right - EISEI no Senshi. Anyway, since we've beaten Wiseman, there's not much for you to see here anymore. Oddly enough, things here have been pretty normal since we beat him... RINI: *Enters room* And it's been kinda boring. JACK: Sure has. Almost makes me wish that we had a fic! RINI: (Icy) Jack, don't you ever say that around me. GOT IT?!? JACK: Sure, chinchin girl. RINI: That was low. JACK: I know. *Evil Grin* Hey, why's the yellow button flashing? *Hits it* ************************************************************************************ (Scene: A small room, done in shades of black. A laptop's on a desk, and Rei Ayanami sits there. The chair behind the desk turns around.) REI: Hello, everyone. In response to the large amount of requests to guest on the Eisei no Senshi, JR and I have come up with a good idea. JR: The first four applicants get to guest before this season's up, and from then on, it's one guest every three episodes. If you're interested, mail your bios to me at TuxedoJack@juno.com - REI: Or me, at CommanderIkari@secondimpact.com. Sayonara Reader-san! ************************************************************************************ (SoS) JACK: ... Oh, great... RINI: That means more fics! ^_^ ... Wait a minute... more fics... *Starts to swear in unprintable terms* JACK: Great. Just great. *Red button flashes* Hey, who could be calling now? Wiseman's toast, so... HOTARU: *Enters* Just hit the button! JACK: Why? We put up with their crap twenty times before, now let's let them wait a while. RINI: Like Mike Nelson on the SoL. JACK: Yeah! HOTARU: And on the subject of acronyms, why are we now being called the Eisei no Senshi? MAGIC VOICE: Because it's nicer than the Satellite of Senshi - and it makes you invisible to the sensors of the rescue ships. Thirdly, it's better than the "Satellite of Senshi" - that made you sound like a DiC dub job, while "Eisei no Senshi" is the Japanese translation of "Satellite of Senshi". Now hit the button, will you? JACK: ... Shut up. *Hits the button* (Infinity Academy) SHADOWY FIGURE: Hello, my friends. *Starts* What are _you_ doing there? (SoS) HOTARU: Who are you? What are you talking about? (Infinity Academy) SF: You'll have to find out. As for why I'm here, Mistress 9 has ordered me to send you a work of fanfiction as a meeting gift. Here's something from Avanent! *Hits a black button* (SoS) HOTARU: Mistress 9?!? But I'm not her anymore!!! JACK: Oh, great. I married an evil villainess. HOTARU: Shut up! RINI: Don't look now, *Lights flash, klaxons blare* But we've got YAOI MONKEY SIIIIGN!!!!! (Door sequence 2.0) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: A carton of wontons. You eat your way through. Door 4: Dark Cartman. He's actually civil, unlike the real one, and lets you pass. Door 3: The Cathedral from Chrono Trigger. Hotaru plays the organ, and you walk through the secret door. Door 2: Kari Kamiya. The Crest of Hope explodes out of the wall and merges with the Crest of Light on a chain on her neck. (There, all you Takari fans out there - now you have an idea for my fourth season. Hee hee hee...) Door 1: Celes and Terra. They summon the Espers Bahamut and Maduin, and between the MegaFlare and the Chaos Wing, the floor collapses and you're dropped into the theater. (SoS Theater. Seating order from left to right: Rini, Jack, Hotaru.) HOTARU: "Evil villainess" my ass. RINI: Well, you _were_ Mistress 9. HOTARU: I'm also Sailor Saturn. Your point? RINI: ... None. >Dregio: JACK: How could anyone dredge up this fanfic? RINI: More importantly, why did they dredge it up? >Hello, Im a little gay monkey, this is the introduction to any stories >about me, isnt it great? HOTARU: Hello, I'm a married woman, this is my stock riff for fics like this, no, your line wasn't that good. JACK: Neither was Hanson. >I have my own little shrine right here, ALL: *Hum the Chrono Trigger Cathedral music* >jsut to me. RINI: The peninsula jsuts out from the fjord. JACK: *Sigh* Rini, have you been reading the dictionary again? >Of course I made it, HOTARU: Swap "out" for "it" and you've got mine and Jack's nightly activities. RINI: O_o Did I need to know that? >but somebody has to, right? so why not me? HOTARU: Because you're a yaoi monkey, and the knowledge of my sex life means nothing to you. >anyways, its great, or at least I think so... RINI: (Dregio) I don't know, I've never done it. >I was once asked to host a history show, JACK: (Dregio) On the set of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". >actually, you can watch it here, you should check it out, for some reason they never >asked me back HOTARU: Because you were murdered on the set. >thoguh, ALL: *Duck in seats* JACK: Watch for falling loogies! >strange... HOTARU: No more than this fanfic. >anyways, monkey has to go now. RINI: (Dregio) Have to pee, and I try to hold it back for stamina. HOTARU: Rini no hentai! *CLANG* >I have a date, JACK: (Dregio as White Rabbit) I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for a very important date... >wiht a really cute ferret liek creature, JACK: Ferret-liek? RINI: It's like ferrets with onions. JACK: Mmm.... hassenpfeffer... >well, bai... HOTARU: I'll buy... a flamethrower to incinerate this fic! JACK: Looks like it's the end of the first segment. You wanna take a break? RINI: I shouldn't have to say anything. *Exit all* (Reverse door sequence) (Scene: _SoS_ bridge. The three riffers are sitting there.) HOTARU: So who's this new villain who's sending us these fics? RINI: Beats me, but I'm not watching the next part. JACK: I'll watch it. It beats sitting out here listening to Hanson and Britney Spears... I don't know how Ranma and Nephrite took it. HOTARU: Slowly and painfully, my dear, slowly and painfully. UNKNOWN VOICE: AAaaaaaaaaaa- *_Another_ tuxedo-clad man falls onto the sofa from out of nowhere. His tuxedo, though, is in shades of blue, and instead of a sword or cane, he carries a trident with a small ruby at the point. His hair's brown, his eyes are grey, and he's got no top hat on his head.* -aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! *SPLAT* Oww... JACK: ... Okay, Magic Voice, not even gonna ask. MAGIC VOICE: Not even gonna tell you. ^_^ NEW TUX GUY: Hey, where am... aw, crap! RINI: ... I'm out of here. I'll get Amy in here to riff instead of me. *Leaves and then shoves Amy through the door* NEW GUY: Um... this is not good. *Stands still for a moment* No, I'm _not_ going to do _that_! JACK: *Blinks twice* This is very weird... NEW GUY: Oh, sorry. I'm Jeffrey Kaiou, a.k.a. Prince Neptune. You are? JACK: Tuxedo Jack, at your service. HOTARU: Hotaru Tomoe, Sailor Saturn, mistress of destruction, and baker of a damned good bundt cake. AMY: Sailor Mercury, Amy Mizuno... JEFF: Amy-hime-sama? *Dream state* HOTARU: Damn, Amy, two men drooling over you. Rini's gonna kill you. AMY: *Smirk* Gotta love fanboys. JEFF: *Comes out of dream state* WHAT?!?!? NO!!! JACK: Not even gonna ask... JEFF: Oh, sorry. The Knowledge Ruby on my trident... he's kinda sarcastic, and this was one of those hentai times. HOTARU: Ah. At any rate, you kinda came in at a bad time, as there's a fic coming in right now. JEFF: *Pales* You're joking. A fic? JACK: Yep. One by an old friend of mine... and it's about a history show that a little yaoi monkey hosted. JEFF: ... This should be interesting. HOTARU: Quite. *Red button flashes* Seems that an "Unavailable" with no listed number is calling. *Presses button* (Infinity Academy) SF: Ah, I see that the guest has arrived. He is intact? (SoS) JEFF: Apparently so... JACK: He's fine. And you are? (Infinity Academy) SF: Wouldn't you like to know. At any rate, you're supposed to be watching the fic! (SoS) HOTARU: Hey, we finished the first section. Give us a break! (Infinity Academy) SF: !!! You! You're not supposed to be watching these! You stay out of the theater! Send in the Pluto woman instead! *Hits the button* (SoS) HOTARU: Aw, not again! JEFF: How bad can it be? *Lights flash, klaxons blare, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!* I'm about to find out, cause we've got AVANENT SIIIIIGN!!! (Door Sequence 2.5) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: The empty carton of wontons. You toss it in the trash. Door 4: The original Cartman is beating the heck out of Dark Cartman with a nightstick and bellowing "Respect mah authoritah!" You sneak past carefully. Door 3: Yakra XIII. Chrono, Magus, and Frog use a Triple Tech (even though they don't have one in the game) and obliterate him. Door 2: Kari Kamiya and Takeru Takaishi are making out. Jeff bellows "Get a room!" and you pass by. Door 1: Setzer. He rolls a triple seven on his slot device, and the newly repaired floor beneath you is obliterated (again) and you fall into the theater. (SoS Theater - again. Seating order from left to right: Amy, Jeff, Jack, Setsuna.) JACK: Lucky. Hotaru gets out of it. SETSUNA: I wonder who's sending us these fics. AMY: My guess, based on extrapolation of the current data set, is that the Death Busters are the current villains. JACK: And how did you get that conclusion? AMY: Magic Voice gave me a copy of the theme song. MAGIC VOICE: And there goes the Fourth Wall. *Crash* Ow... *Urk* >Story of the Yaoi Monkey- >(A Lesson in History) JEFF: (John Cleese) Look out for that historian! Oh, oh no! They killed the historian! >All rights reserved, JACK: USDA selected. SETSUNA: FDIC insured. AMY: Checklist completed, S.O.B. >all things are copyrighted to their respective owners. I do not claim ownership of >any copyrighted characters, or anything. I was bored in class... MAGIC VOICE: Much like me right now. >Don't sue me over anything.. JACK: *Cough*Screwedovertable*Cough* *WHACK* OW! SETSUNA! SETSUNA: Wasn't me - *CLANG* That was, though. JACK: Amy? AMY: Nope. JEFF: *Evil grin* JACK: Nah, couldn't be him. The new guys never hit anyone. >yeah.. that just about covers everything... AMY: Unlike our fukus, which cover next to nothing. JEFF AND JACK: *Drool* JEFF: Mercury-hime-sama... *Drools* SETSUNA: You're cleaning that up. JACK: Relax, Setsuna. That's why there are cleaning nanobots. >whatever... JEFF: As if! SETSUNA: Like, totally radical! JACK: Awesome! AMY: O_o' Moving on... >----------- SETSUNA: Bookends! JACK: Nah, it's a choke chain for dog leashes. >-Author Note- SETSUNA: Ack! It's a prologue! JEFF: No, it's... it's a Gundam! AAAAAAAAH!!!! *Fakes dying* OTHERS: *Clap* JEFF: *Gets up and bows* Thank you, thank you. >----------- AMY: Maybe it's a bo staff or a pair of nunchuks. >This has been increased in size JACK: Much like Setsuna's - *CLANG WATAK SLAP* OTHERS: _NO_! >and new material has been added to JEFF: Make this a 50/30/20 blend of polyester, cotton, and fanfic. >this rather interesting piece. ALL: ... JEFF: Nope, too easy. No one had better make an scat joke here, though... >I hope it is much more enjoyable for you now. SETSUNA: It's not, thanks for asking. >Thank you for spending AMY: The ten bucks to skip reading this and get out of the theater. JEFF: Mercury-hime, if it were that cheap, we'd have done that ages ago. >this time to read this, I'm sure it will make it much better for you, >the reader. JACK: Us poor bastards who have to read this can't, however, snooze through it. JEFF: Unfortunately. >      SETSUNA: Heh heh heh... maybe I should pack the author up in one of those boxes. *KA-POW!* *A Bolt16 spell from FFII - the NES one - strikes the ground in front of Setsuna* MAGIC VOICE: That was just a warning. Next time I aim. Lay off the author jokes. >"Your just another pretty face in a room full of whores. JEFF: Ah, the Clinton Administration's White House intern lounge! >No you don't mean much... JACK: But Hotaru means "firefly"! >:: Music fades and an actor begins speaking:: >Actor: AMY: (Actor) Oh, god, I forgot my lines... SETSUNA: (Ryan Stiles) Does it matter? You're on "Whose Line is it Anyway"! >Welcome to Great Historical moments live! Staring the great professor... JEFF: Down must be a great task, especially since he apparently has no eyeballs. >um.. Yes! The great professor. We'll be back after this song chosen for this >very show. AMY: "The Time Warp". JACK: "ADIDAS". *THWACK* HEY! SETSUNA, QUIT IT, DAMMIT! SETSUNA: Wasn't me, I swear! JACK: Then who... JEFF: Quit the hentai, dammit! SETSUNA: He's been doing my job for me throughout the fic! >"Your catatonic now, you scream to me, JACK: SAOTOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!! RANMA: (Over P.A.) What? JACK: Nothing. >so much better than before. JEFF: Now with new lemon scent! *Notices all riffers locking up* Oh, come on. They can't be that bad, can they? JACK: Four words, that's all. "Fit to be Tied". *All but Jeff shudder* >Dumb Dumb Dizzy Dizzy Dumb Dumb Dizzy Dizzy... SETSUNA: This is definitely about Mihoshi, isn't it? >You've made a mess of yourself, you're a mess, a fucking mess" SETSUNA: Yep, definitely Mihoshi in "Pot". JACK: Please, don't remind me of that fic. *Sob* >::music fades:: JEFF: To _HELL_!!! JACK: A-hem... that's my line. >Professor: >The indigo tribe had begun the new years; the years of killing, chaos, >violence, and AMY: Nice little snacky cakes. >gore were now among them. SETSUNA: Serving champagne and hors d'oveurs. >These years were long coming and will be long into the future. These very >things could cause the JEFF: Writing of another lemon by Oscar. *THWAP CRUNCH CARESS* JACK AND SETSUNA: DON'T DO THAT!!! AMY: Aw, did they hurt you? Come here... JEFF: *Massive freakin' nosebleed* >downfall of the great warriors or bring them great fame. MAGIC VOICE: Judging from the amount of positive reviews you've gotten, it's fame. Now how can I shamelessly exploit it? >Only time would tell if JACK: Lavos would be defeated and time/space would be restored to normality. >the would conquer over the fiery pandas of DOOM! MuhahahaaAAAHHHHHH AMY: (Professor) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - *Sucks in air audibly* - hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! >*Shnnkk* *Sssrnkk* *shwack* *fwei* *fwei* *fwei* JEFF: The sounds of a new Ratliff story being written. AMY: Hopefully not. JEFF: Yes, Mercury-hime-sama. *Dream state* AMY: God, I'm good. >::The sounds of the narrator being chopped into pieces by the indigo warriors >echoed across the fields and a new one took his place:: ALL: ... JACK: How many times have we wished that'd happen to a narrator in certain _other_ fics? SETSUNA: "Quit Pining Over Ifurita". AMY: "Fit to be Tied". JEFF: "The Day Wufei Tried to Take Over the World". *All look at him strangely* What? >Ultimate Being: SETSUNA: Ah, it's Washu! WASHU: (Over P.A.) Ahem. SETSUNA: Chan. Washu-chan. WASHU: Wai! ^_^ >Me big and strong, you now me slave! JACK: (Ultimate Being) Me speak like Ayla! *Ayla appears in the theater and uses her Cat Attack tech on Jack. She then disappears* Ow. >>::Looks down at his hand struggling to raise up:: AMY: (Crow) Should we really be seeing this? >Ultimate Being: >No! No smart man, must fight, no win, you NOOO!!! ALL: ... JEFF: This makes even less sense than Thinker! MAGIC VOICE: Which reminds me, I'm going to see if he's got anything that's unMSTed for you. JACK: Omae o korosu, JR. MAGIC VOICE: How? You can't get to me except by dying, and I ain't gonna bring you back next time. JACK: ... Shut up. >::The strange figure is beaten senseless by his own hand:: ::he instantly stands >up again now seeming to be ok even though he has some very nasty bashes:: SETSUNA: (Ultimate Being) Yeah, my New Year's party was a real hoot, and so was the one on my birthday, where we all got drunk and somehow managed to stuff a live eggroll in a car's tailpipe... JEFF: O_o Please don't remind me. >Ultimate Being: >There we go sorry about that, you puny mortals wont be able to comprehend what just >happened so I wont bother you with trying to explain, AMY: Our theater projector couldn't handle the massive amounts of stupidity so it played back the scene from Manos instead. >Lets just say that now I am in control and all of you shall beg for my mercy! JACK: Hey, it's "Pen-Pen's Reign of Terror"! JEFF: (Pen-Pen) Wark! COMPUTER: Translation - I shall rip open your skull with pliers and nail your brain to my mantelpiece with a _toothpick_! JACK: ... Looks like someone's been getting into the happy weed again. >::Instantly a battle raged form the previous narrator who appeared to be dead, >especially since his head is no longer connected:: AMY: (British) I'm not _quite_ dead... I'm getting better! JEFF: (British) You're not fooling anyone. >Professor: >Pathetic beast, you cannot affect me. SETSUNA: (General Patterson) I'm TRILLIONS of times more powerful than you! *Kodachi laugh - if Kodachi were General Patterson* Look! I can light up my eye sockets! *Setsuna's eyes actually flash blue* >::The figure rose up into the sky and begun to shoot out powerful bolts of energy >toward the zombie head:: JEFF: (Zombie head) Hi, I'm dead. Nice to meet you. Wanna join me? >Zombie Head: >I shall conquer you SETSUNA: (Badly dubbed samurai) I sight my ancient rival, the Magical Girl Pretty Nobuyuki! I must conquer him! JACK: Um... don't you mean Magical Guy Pretty Nobuyuki? SETSUNA: I take it you've never heard of AAA-Phucknut, then. >::Instantly the head leapt up from the ground and bit the figure in the neck:: AMY: (Zombie head) I vant to suck yer blood. >::a large monkey approached the mic:: SETSUNA: And began to lick it. JEFF: A-hem. SETSUNA: Well, he said he was a yaoi monkey! JEFF: He never said he was Madonna, either, but that's no excuse. SETSUNA: Just be grateful that they didn't say DiC. JEFF: DiC?!? DiC?!?!? DIE!!!!! NEPTUNE TRIDENT ATTACK!!! *A wave of water, much like a Deep Submerge, surrounds the screen. Needless to say, the screen's obliterated, but it repairs itself* JACK: *Coughs out seaweed* Do you mind? >Dregio: >Well obviously since I am the most mature out of all of us here AMY: (Dregio as Usagi) I'm gonna cry because he took my candy! WAAAAAAAAAH!!! >I shall be the, woah! that was a very impressive attack cast by the dark strange >penguin man, JACK: What's PenPen doing here? >the zombie head now seems to have been shattered all across the field. SETSUNA: Jack, shall we? JACK: Let's. *Their heads explode, raining doughnuts (Setsuna) and "Mana no Densetsu" game cartridges (Jack) around the theater. They soon reassemble* JEFF: Every time I think I see the weirdest thing on earth, something weirder comes along. AMY: Trust me, this is normal. You should see the causality loops! *The Crest of Hope explodes out of the wall and flies around a few times before disappearing* There's one now! JEFF: What is it with weird stuff and this Satellite? MAGIC VOICE: *Pops into theater* Well, let's just say that things here are weird, and they're gonna stay that way until further notice. JACK: SHINE!!!!! *Leaps towards Magic Voice* MAGIC VOICE: *Smirk* Whoops! I'm late! *Teleports out just before Jack can grab him* JACK: *Hits the wall with a "thud" that can be heard about five miles away* Ow. >But look at that, the Zombie head makes an impressive SETSUNA: Papier-mache donut holder with nothing more than a straw - not the bendy kind - and a small chunk of Play-Doh! >come back by causing his teeth to propel through the air like missiles JEFF: (Dental aide as general) Sir, we've monitored a tooth launch from the Zombie Mouth! Repeat, teeth in the air! JACK: (Dentist) Launch all drills for great justice! Take off every drill. SETSUNA: That's it, Jack, no more "All Your Base" for you. JACK: Aww... >and piercing the strange man all across his body including his AMY: Ears, nose, lips, tongue, eyelids, toes, *DING*, his two *DING*s, and his scrotum. JACK AND JEFF: *Turn noticeably green and edge away* JACK: Do you have to mention those four things, for God's sake? JEFF: Watch it, kisama. She's Sailormercury, and she can say what she wants. AMY: Thank you, Jeff. Remind me to give you a present later. JEFF: Perhaps it's an Epoch? AMY: I was thinking something more temporary than an Epoch. >neck and well, his um... most vital areas... JACK AND JEFF: *Turn even greener* JEFF: Okay, now that's just cheap! >And look at that, SETSUNA: It's a tie! JEFF: But that means that the fic will start over again... ALL: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >both challengers are down, I guess that means only I can speak upon the >estranged rituals of war between the indigo tribe and the fearsome DEATH PANDAS JACK: And I speak upon a chair in an air-conditioned theater with popcorn and a soda. But I wonder... SETSUNA: What? JACK: You think that ABACAB stunt still works? AMY: No harm in trying. JEFF: ABACAB? AMY: Watch and see. JACK: *Summons the Genesis controller* ABACAB... *Presses buttons and a Black Chocobo falls on top of him. It flies off and a ten-pound bag of M&Ms falls onto his lap. Next, a chibi-Setzer flies out of nowhere, performs a 7-Flush attack on the screen, and disappears. After that, a three-pound bag of Twizzler Pull-n-Peels falls out onto him, and the portal into Plot Contrivance-o-space closes.* That hurt. >*whisper whisper* JEFF: (Whispering to Amy) Can we get out of this theater? AMY: (To Jeff) We'd have to send in someone else, and I don't think that they'd like it. >::A well built yet strange man, fully clothed in shining black leather with a black >cape covering most of him, said a few lines into the male monkey's ear:: JACK: AAAAAAHHH!!!! IT'S MAGUS!!! AND HE'S CASTING DARKMATTER!!!! *Runs around the theater screaming* SETSUNA: I don't know why I even bother... *Summons the Time Staff and clocks Jack in the head. He falls back into his seat* JACK: Thanks... I needed that. >Dregio: >oh.. umm... I mean the FIERY PANDAS OF DOOM! JEFF: And I mean _THE FIERY ENCHILADA OF DIARRHEA_! AMY: Sick! JEFF: I apologize, Mercury-hime-sama. AMY: Just call me Amy. JEFF: Hai, Mercury-hime-sama. AMY: *Sigh* >According to this script SETSUNA: (Dregio) The fic's supposed to end. So see you next fic! AMY: Shyeah, right. >we are now in the vast wastelands of the Gipsy Kings. JACK: And I am now in the gigantic silicone valley of Britney Spears. *THWAP* JEFF: Watch it! JACK: You weren't here when Mihoshi did her Britney Spears act, were you? JEFF: No, but I read about it. >Look at the great mountains, reddened by the low shining sun, the >light reflecting off the dry dirt, burning deep into my eyes. AMY: (Prak) The Final Message from God to His Creation is in seventy-foot letters of fire on the Quentulus Quazgar mountains. It is guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob. >However the pain should only last 3-5 days after being exposed to the painful light >from the star currently in nova. JEFF: And the redundancy meter explodes... hey, what's that other meter down there exploding? JACK: The redundant Redundancy meter. JEFF: Oh. -_-' >After that, if I'm lucky I will have to go to the hospital so >they can repair the iris and retinas of my eyes. What a great learning >experience that would be. SETSUNA: Try spending a few weeks up here... that's both a learning experience _and_ the Total Perspective Vortex! JACK: Though, ironically, we've still got our souls. >Anyways lets get off my strange fetish for severe pain... AMY: *Deathglare* Anyone makes _one_ "Chibi-usa's Seventh Birthday" and they die. JACK: Damn. And I was so looking forward to bringing up the long "yeelow" banana. AMY: SHINE! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION! *The icy wave of water engulfs Jack* JEFF: KISAMAAAAA! NEPTUNE TRIDENT ATTACK! *He whacks Jack in the head with the trident* Better than unleashing the true power of Neptune. JACK: *Spits out water* The stuff's not even run through a filter! Disgusting! >Takio: >Monkey! SETSUNA: The loooove monkey! JEFF: A-hem. >Dregio! Hey monkey, would that be urinary pain or se... >Dregio: >Don't start with me Takio, you wouldn't want to be punished... SETSUNA: I'm not going to bring up Jessie's "Sailor Moon on Jerry Springer" series... I'm not going to bring up Jessie's "Sailor Moon on Jerry Springer" series... >Takio: >Yes I would, do it the same way you did last... JACK: (Kodachi) Punish me, Ranma-sama, yes, _yes_, YES!!!!! PUNISH ME!!!! KODACHI: (Over P.A.) I'm going to punish _YOU_ when you get out of the theater! JACK: Oh, great. >Dregio: >That's ENOUGH TAKIO! >::pretends to be completely okay:: JEFF: (Chanting a la Dr. Forrester) Deep hurting.... DEEP HURTING! >Dregio: >and back onto the subject of the current issue at hand... ALL BUT JEFF: *Dirty snicker* JEFF: We know what task is "at hand" right now, Dregio, so... >Takio: >You mean how you're cheating on me for your m... AMY: ... IDI player? JACK: P3 collector? SETSUNA: Other-f(BLEEP)cking fanfic authors? MAGIC VOICE: LANGUAGE! Silence! *A balloon pops over Setsuna, and she is rendered silent for about twenty seconds* >Dregio: >NOT ONE MORE WORD TAKIO! MAGIC VOICE: Just like I did to Setsuna there. >Now, as I was saying, you can tell the difference, well other than the fact that >the pandas are big and fury... wait.... no... that doesn't work, oh, I know, the >pandas are on fire and have white fur. AMY: As opposed to what? Unshaved indigo-colored men rampaging across a field of flowers in only loincloths? JEFF: You'd love that, wouldn't you. AMY: Not really... I still remember the Silver Millenium. JEFF: *Blushes scarlet* >There we go.... Anyways, as we can see, the two have been going at it JACK: (Quietly) On top of a car hood. SETSUNA: *Spell wears off* Jack, shut up. JACK: I didn't say anything! >Takio: >oh really..... ? JACK: Damn you, fic! Shut up about my comments! SETSUNA AND JEFF: Back payment! *THWAP CLANG* >Dregio: >nani?.... JEFF: (Singing) She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, until her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes... JACK: God, Fran Drescher flashbacks... >::gasps:: >you sick little rodent.... Later tonight, you shall die >:: Takio laughs evilly:: AMY: (Dregio) I'm going to get Oscar to write you into one of his fics! JACK: (Takio) No, I beg you! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!!!!!!! >Takio: >It's going to hurt that bad? JEFF: With Oscar, everything hurts. Especially us when we have to read the damn fics. >::Dregio glares at Takio, releasing a deep growl. Takio instantly seems to disappear.:: SETSUNA: (Dregio) Hey, audience, watch me pull a Takio out of my hat! JEFF: (Takio) Dregio, that's not me, that's an N2 mine! *Imitates explosion* >Dregio: >Now that the little hentai freak has left, we can get back to what I was saying. >Once one side of the two wins, JACK: The audience of the war will go into a riot, screaming that the other side should have won. JEFF: Ah, soccer riots. *Eyes mist over* >it shall gain control over the mighty ivory pole. This pole has immense power and can >do just about anything. ALL: *Burst out laughing* AMY: I don't even have to say anything! JACK: It riffs itself! JEFF: (Through laughs) Fic no hentai! *Thwaps fic with the Trident. Suddenly, a new voice, somewhat Ranma-like, somewhat Bobcat Goldthwait-like, sounds in the theater* NEW VOICE: Great! Just great! You patched me into the theater's speakers! AMY: Nani? Who's that? JEFF: Oh, it's the Knowledge Ruby there. JACK: Talking gems. Great. As if the Ginzuishou wasn't enough... RUBY: Hey, shut up! This is supposed to be a private link! MAGIC VOICE: But in this dimension, anything's possible. JEFF: Hey, I'm an author avatar! Shut up, you little kisama! MAGIC VOICE: You're water-type, right? Then take this! Bolt2! *The Bolt2 spell from FFIIIE blasts Jeff* JEFF AND RUBY: Ouch. >::a low faint giggle can be heard:: RUBY: It's Magic Voice up there laughing at his sick antics of zapping us. >Takio! Go AWAY! >Dregio: >anyways, one of the more interesting things about these two raging tribes is >the place of women in their cultures. You see, the flaming pandas believe JEFF: That women are objects to be used for cleaning bathroom floors with. But Mercury- hime-sama is a queen! SETSUNA: (Thinking) Yeah, I can really see him yelling, "Yes, Mercury-hime-sama! I will call you queen!" *Snicker* >that the females are inferior and would not be able to win the war, the indigo >tribe however... are inferior to their women and go out as slaves to fight. >This beats their normal torture anyways. AMY: Again, one "Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday" crack and you die. JACK: Not you this time, but Makoto. Think she used that on Chibi before? RINI: (Over P.A.) Ahem!!! I thought that we were never bringing up that fic... >::Takio pops out of nowhere:: SETSUNA: Like our weapons, fukus, and Akane's various mallets. >Takio: >That would be bedroom torture! That's why Dregio prefers to be gay. ALL: *Blink blink* JACK: Looks like it's our second yaoi fic. >Dregio: >I'm not gay, RUBY: (Dregio as Big Gay Al) I'm super! Thanks for asking! >I prefer to be called a "homosexual" >Takio: >hmm... no no.. I don't think so... JACK: Damn him, he took my line! >::turns head away and says aloud:: >Fag! MAGIC VOICE: That actually means a bundle of wood and sticks made for a fire. JACK: We know. Rini reads the dictionary. >Dregio: >Come here you little beast... RUBY: (Thinking, to Jeff) WHOA! Jeff, think I should tell her what I just saw in your head? JEFF: (Thinking, to Ruby) NO! If Mercury-hime-sama remembers the Silver Millenium, she'll find out soon enough about the little games we used to play. AMY: What do you mean? JEFF AND RUBY: GYAH! RUBY: I forgot I'm patched into the comm system! AMY: That reminds me... here. *Zaps the speaker with a blitz of energy* That severed the connection. But what were you two thinking about? JEFF: *Sweatdrop* Nothing, Mercury-hime-sama. >I'll pound you, I'm a homosexual! SETSUNA: (Zoisite) I'll join you if we can beat the s(BLEEP)it out of DiC for their dub job! >Takio: >So is that it then? AMY: (Takio) Three plus five equals eight? That's your grand idea? >Are we through jut like that? RINI: (Over P.A.) The peninsula - JACK: You already did that one, Rini-chan. RINI: (Over P.A.) Damn. >Just cuz I called you gay? JACK AND JEFF: (Singing a la Dregio as Ren and Stimpy) Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy! >::Takio begins to whisper:: >I thought you enjoyed being my lil gay slave... ALL: BLECH! JACK: I did _not_ need to know that, thanks! >::Dregio's eyes widen:: JEFF: (Dregio) Oh my God! We're in a fanfic! And everything you just said is being recorded by the author! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! >Dregio: >You little pervert, you shall die now! JACK: (Oppositio Senshi Sin) Time to die! AMY: (Oppositio Senshi Nabu) Farewell, Sailorsenshi! JEFF: (Oppositio Senshi Nergal) Die, fools! RUBY: (Oppositio Senshi Marduk) Die, you bastards! SETSUNA: (Oppositio Senshi Ishtar) Please die now. ^_^ JACK: *Groan* You just _had_ to remember her, didn't you? >.< >::camera zooms in and Dregio turns back towards it, noticing it's being >recording the whole time:: AMY: (Dregio) Eh, heh heh heh... So, anyone wanna see me do the Madison? >Dregio: >Um hi... yeah, anyways... I hope this show has been very informative for you, SETSUNA: More than you know, unfortunately. >we will now go to a short commercial break. JEFF: Would that we could too... >::music fades in before going to a commercial break:: >"I'm not the one who's so far away, when I feel the snake bite into my vein, SETSUNA: Aaaaaaahhhh! It's Lamia! >never did I wanna be here again and I don't remember why I came..." JACK: Generally, you come because of a villain compelling you to watch bad fanfiction. >"Thank you for watching Great Historical Moments Live! We'll be back after >these sponsors" AMY: (Announcer) Commit suicide after tap-dancing to the tune of "Hoochie-Mama"! JEFF: This satellite's really messed with you, ne? AMY: More than you know. >"empty thoughts rain on my head, while I'm so far away, no more reason to my >life no more reason to stay" JACK: Then why don't we leave? MAGIC VOICE: Because the new villains and I rigged up shock traps on the theater doors. JACK: That blows. MAGIC VOICE: Not as much as the new A/C system we put in the room next to the Jacuzzis. >--Commercial 1-- >Cheap Actor: JEFF: That would be Robert Downey Jr. JACK: Why would that be? JEFF: Too cheap to buy off the LAPD to let him go. JACK: Can he even be called an actor? I mean, look at his performance in "Ally McBeal". That was just pathetic. >Got a huge situation? >Well, when you need AT Field protection... SETSUNA: Uh oh... JACK: *Bursts out laughing* AMY: Oh, man, if Asuka were here, the theater'd be wasted. JEFF: ... Evanjellydonut strikes again... >Get an EVA brand Condom MAGIC VOICE: Andrew Huang-san, if you're reading this, I apologize. I kinda had a hand in writing this next line, and, well... this was the result. *Grumble* Chemistry class and computers don't mix. >Monotone Voice: >And there was much Rejoicing AMY: (British) For the Monty Python sketch had begun. >Monotone Crowd's voice: >YAY! JACK: (TV producer) Did someone hit the "yay" sound instead of the damn laugh track again?!? THEY'RE FIRED! >Actor: >EVA Condom, when you need protection as strong as an AT Field! ALL: *Sob on the floor* >--End of Commercial 1-- JEFF: Nice arrow. AMY: Allow me. *Plucks text from fanfic, loads it in her bow, and blows the heck out of the fanfic with it* JACK: Nicely done. AMY: *Bows* Thank you, thank you. JEFF: *Minor nosebleed* (Thinking) Gaah! Cleavage! >--Commercial 2-- >::Mihoshi holding a bundle of carrots: JACK: Anyone ever read "In the Carrot Patch"? JEFF: Nope. SETSUNA: Uh-uh. AMY: I'm not sure... what was the plot? JACK: Sick Sasami/Tenchi/carrot/Ryo-Ohki lemon. AMY: *Turns green* Now I remember it. >Mihoshi: >Californian Carrots are great! not only are they good for you, but also >animals love them and they feel great too! AMY: (Mihoshi) Huked on foniks werked 4 mi! >Over Voice: >Californian Carrots are great! They taste great and are good for you too! JEFF: Could the completeness of a complete fanfic ever be complete without a small amount of a little repetition? >Mihoshi: >Remember, they are recommended by me! SETSUNA: Not that that's saying much. Now if they were recommended by us, or the other Senshi... >::Mihoshi trips and falls on her back with the carrots landing on her face:: ALL: (Nelson Muntz) Ha ha! >Mihoshi: >ow.... AMY: Please. *Snort* Who says "ow" after a bundle of carrots fall on their face? Setsuna, you do the honor. SETSUNA: Be glad to. *Coughs* MOTHER-F(BLEEP)CKING PIECE OF F(BLEEP)KING S(BLEEP)IT J(BLEEP)CKASS CARROTS!!!!! F(BLEEP)CK YOU TO HELL, YOU PIECE OF F(BLEEP)CKING S(BLEEP)IT!!! (Normal) We now return you to your regularly scheduled bad fanfic. JEFF: *Sits stunned* Wha... nani... how... buh... guh... wha... JACK: (Jeff Goldblum) Cruel, but good word usage. >--End of commercial 2-- JEFF: And the end of my sanity, unless something goes right. AMY: Aw, poor baby. *Kisses Jeff's forehead* JEFF: *Turns bright red* >--Commercial 3-- JACK: Four, five, six, et cetera. >Actress pretending to be a normal person: JEFF: And that would be who? SETSUNA: Every damn anorexic one of them. >I greatly prefer them over all other brands, and they always have the best >textures in comparison to the rest. And they don't leave my skin feeling sore >and raw. SETSUNA: Three guesses as to what he's advertising here. JACK: Tissues. JEFF: Toilet paper. AMY: I think I know... ^_^ >Actor: >Even though I'm a guy... JACK AND JEFF: (Singing) I feel pretty, oh, so pretty... JACK: *Settles down* Not one yaoi crack, you two. AMY: Wouldn't dream of it. *Snicker* >When I really feel like I need a good time, JACK: Call Setsuna at 1-800- *CLANG WHAP* SETSUNA: EX-F(BLEEP)CKING-CUSE ME?!?!? JEFF: I don't think so! JACK: Ooh, look at all the pretty stars... >I pick up these, even the guy at the cash register understands. When you buy this JEFF: Fanfic, you're getting ripped off. >brand, your getting the best quality for less money. >Voice Over: >Easy to clean, Easy to use, Long lasting fun! No wonder its number 1! SETSUNA: Well, there goes my guess. JEFF: I guess tissues are out too. JACK: Same with your toilet paper idea. >Voice Over: >so remember, next time by the Klenex Brand. We make a lot more than >tissues now... the Klenex Brand! JEFF: Told you so! >Voice Over Slogan: >It's so big, there's no way it could be wrong! JACK: o_o''' JEFF: O_o BOTH: NANINANINANI?!?!? AMY: (To Setsuna) They're so cute when they're confused. >--End of Commercial 3-- >::Black screen fades back to the talking monkey:: JACK AND AMY: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! HACHI MACHI'S BACK! GYAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! >Dregio: >Welcome back! This is Great History Moments live! Please forgive the haste, SETSUNA: (Dregio) But I've learned about exclamation points, and I want to use them incorrectly! >but there is an amazing advancement for the Indigo Tribe. AMY: (Dregio) They're about to discover homing missiles - oh, god, it's coming this way! >A Chieftain began to chant, and with his last shriek, they all brought out super >soakers from beneath their loin cloths. JACK: O_o I did _not_ need to see that. JEFF: Neither did I. AMY: Blah, blah, blah! It was only innuendo! JACK: Trust me, Amy, the innuendo can't get much worse. >::High pitched screams of pain and suffering are heard in the background:: SETSUNA: Like what comes out of Jack and Hotaru's bedroom every night. JEFF: A-HEM!!! JACK: They don't need to know that! OTHERS: *Facefault* AMY: So it _is_ true! JACK: -_-' >Dregio: >There had been an agreement formed years before, Anti-Hydro Pact, saying >that such powerful weapons would never be used in combat. In war, though, >all's fair. MAGIC VOICE: That, and writing bad fanfics. >It's amazing, the Fiery Pandas flames are going right out. JEFF: And there's Oscar, sobbing on the side of the battlefield for his fallen comrades... >Takio: >hey... Dreg... Dregy.. >Dregio: >::speaking in hush to him:: not now, don't bother me. SETSUNA: It's work time now; he'll get his precious torture later. >Takio: >but... but.. AMY: *Sneaks a glance at Jeff's butt* And a good one it is, too! >Dregio: >not now! >::turning back toward the camera:: >It's amazing, JACK: (Dregio) I can repeat the last words I said! I can repeat the last words I said! See? See? SETSUNA: Shut up, Jack. JACK: Righty-ho, righty-ho. *WHACK* >now Indigo Warriors are running up to the flank, JEFF: And they're taking the rump, and the ribs, and the - oh, god, no!!! NOT THE PRIME RIB!!! *Fakes sobbing* >and are slaughtering the de-flamed pandas. Their blood is spilling out everywhere, >staining the white snow. JACK: Don't eat the yellow snow. SETSUNA: How do you say that in Japanese, though? >Takio: >there... there.. AMY: It's Tammy Faye Bakker! And she's going to SING!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! >coming this way... SETSUNA: To a theater near you! >Dregio: >Not now! wait... what.. what did you say... JACK: (Takio) I said that a monkey's coming out of my butt... oh, wait, that's what happened last night. *WHAM WATAK CLANG* STOP IT! Do you _WANT_ me to have to go to the infirmary?!? >Takio: >They're coming right toward us. JEFF: That, and they're armed with feathers and cheese Danishes. >Dregio: >Oh God! run away, run away! ALL BUT JACK: (Singing) When danger reared its ugly head, Dregio and Takio turned and fled... JACK: (Dregio, British) I did not! >::Indigo warriors wielding clubs SETSUNA: Ah, the population of Laruba village! AMY: Ooh, no one's going to get that. >catch up to the monkey and his little ferret like friend, yes he is a ferret, >I think... anyways, and beat them repeatedly:: >Dregio: >no! ugh, uh... ack... No! God No! You don't know how badly this hurts. AMY: (Xelloss) Do it again, but harder? ^_^ XELLOSS: (Over P.A.) I might just ask you to do that sometime. AMY: Last time I ever make a "Slayers" riff here... >Takio: >Stop it! for god's sake, stop it! JEFF: That reminds me, I've got to pay my bookie. >::The Warriors continually to beat them.:: SETSUNA: And out poops Sailor Mercury! AMY: Be quiet, you. >::hour's later:: >Dregio: >uhh... I feel... dead... ALL: (British) You're not _quite_ dead! >I feel like I've been beaten by hundreds of clubs... JACK: And blackjacks, and baseball bats, and... AVANENT: *Pops into theater* Plot contrivances! ^_^ *Vanishes with a "Ping"* JEFF: It just gets weirder and weirder here, doesn't it? >Takio: >you had... me too... SETSUNA: In front of the camera on a history show? KINKY! JEFF: SETSUNA! >don't you remember... >Dregio: >no.. not at all.... >Takio: >we were... JEFF: Dead boring, and you came back anyways. *Jack's Twizzler flies out of his hand and starts to slap Jeff around* Hey! Ruby! Quit it!!! *The Twizzler settles down* Sorry about that. Forgot to tell you that the Knowledge Ruby's also telekinetic. SETSUNA: Feh, don't worry about it. So am I. *Throws Jack into the screen using her telekinesis ability from episode 115* JACK: Pain... >Dregio: >Um... we... we.. we're still on... >uh... this is Dregio with Great Historical Moments, that's all for today. Dregio out. >::Sighs:: AMY: (Dregio) I'm going to kill my agent for this. >::screen fades to black:: JACK: How about this? *Uses the void to fill the room with darkness* That's black. JEFF: Hey, who's groping me? *Lights go back on, but nothing suspicious is found* How odd. >Watcher: >Hmm... what a load of crap, wonder whats on fox... AMY: That's why there's this little thing called the TV Guide channel. >The End JEFF: Of my tenure here, hopefully. MAGIC VOICE: Nope! Just got one more episode. JEFF: Omae o korosu, Magic Voice. >That's all, Kinda short, but oh well. AMY: From what Hotaru says, that can be said about Jack as well. JACK AND JEFF: NANINANINANI?!? >Hope it was moderately entertaining. SETSUNA: *Evil grin* Again, like Jack. JACK: MAGIC VOICE!!!!! MAGIC VOICE: Sorry, not in my jurisdiction. But since the fic's over, why not just leave? JACK: *Storms out, cursing all the while, and the rest of the riffers follow him* (Reverse door sequence) (Scene: SoS kitchen. Jeff's there, and he's cooking busily. Amy's sneaking up behind him, quite slowly and quietly.) JEFF: Add a pinch of thyme for flavoring... basil, for raw taste... and then just a pinch of salt GYAH! *Amy's snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist* AMY: Hey, you. Busy? JEFF: *Minor nosebleed* N... not really... why? AMY: I remember the Silver Millenium, Jeff. Or should I say "Royal Protector"? JEFF: Oh, that. *Blush* It wasn't much. AMY: I overheard that little converation in the garden, Jeff. Did you mean it? JEFF: (Confused) Which one? AMY: "I'd give my life for Princess Serenity, but I'd give my soul for Princess Amy." That one. JEFF: That was private! AMY: Then it was true. JEFF: I... I guess so... AMY: Then why didn't you tell me? JEFF: The time wan't right... and you were interested in Zoisite, back when she was a real man... and then there was... AMY: Shut up and kiss me. *Jeff obliges. Needless to say, someone walks in a moment later...* RINI: *Sees the two making out* I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Someone. *Turns and storms out, unnoticed by the two by the chopping board* (The holo-gaming room. Jack's there, hooked into a Quake XIV machine. In case you didn't know, all the gaming machines on the SoS are fully Holodecked, and the game... well, it's like actually being in the game, sans pain. Rini walks in and hooks herself into it...) JACK: *Runs around Q3DM17 for a few moments* Heh heh heh... bye, bye, Major! *Fires a Railgun* Ah, nothing like the scent of fresh blood after a fic! COMPUTER: Kawaii^2 has entered the game. JACK: That's gotta be Azusa or Hotaru. But do I care? They're getting fragged! *Aims the railgun at someone... but he never sees the rocket coming straight towards him. It blows him off the sniping ledge into a pit* Oh, F(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)CK - *Fades out, then reappears as he's teleported onto a ledge nearby* - CK! COMPUTER: Kawaii^2 has taken the lead. JACK: That's it! No more Mr. Nice Tuxedo! *Pulls out the rocket launcher and goes off... only to be blasted by a railgun* Ouch. RINI: *Is sitting on his sniper ledge. She aims her railgun again and fires. Jack collapses to the floor* Hee hee hee... JACK: (Weakly) Thanks for the safety protocols... *Collapses* RINI: Bye-bye, sucker. *Misfires her railgun, though, and hits the button* (FWOOSH) \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ ----0---- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ ********************************************************************************** AUTHOR'S NOTES Well, there's the less-than-spectacular arc opening. The third season's officially underway, and this baby's the starter (obviously). Summer school's almost over, and that provides most of my creative juices, so don't expect much until school gets started. I'm moving to a new house, but staying in the same city, and that means I lose my Net connection for a few days, so I won't be uploading anything until about July fifteenth. *Grumble* Damn T3 lines... so freakin' bulky and hard to install... On the plus side, though, my separate house (a place over the garage, complete with Jacuzzi, shower, and full kitchen) will have my 27" TV, a VCR, DVD player, 1200-watt speaker system with 6 subwoofers, T3 internet access, a desktop PC, the laptop where I author everything, a Mac, a home audio system, a full refrigerator, and digital cable. Plus, there's a nice bookshelf for those paper things covered in leather that people call "books". Wonder what those are? ^_- At any rate, expect Prince Neptune to hang around for one more episode - a guy's night out, as it might well be - and then we've got one more guest riffer this season... the more-than-famous Lady Kat-sama. She's gonna guest when I MST "Too Long for the Tree House of Horror". With any luck, she'll stay sane... I hope... BREWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *Cough cough* Where's my lozenges... Ja ne! Tuxedo Jack and the crew of the Satellite - no, EISEI no Senshi, dammit! TuxedoJack@juno.com CommanderIkari@secondimpact.com (not working yet, but I still have the address) Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 1 - COMPLETE! (Except for Episode 7, but that'll be there soon) Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 2 - COMPLETE! (Thank God) Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 3 - IN PROGRESS - 10% done Schedule for Season 3 (Tentative): EPISODE 201: "'A Lesson in History' or 'The Story of the Yaoi Monkey'" by Avanent - COMPLETE! EPISODE 202: "Reunions" Parts 4 and 5 by Blaine - COMING UP NEXT ON THE WTF?!? NETWORK EPISODE 203: "Too Long for the Tree House of Horror!" by Hadisia Terwilliger EPISODE 204: "Digi-Paintball" by you-know-who (SELF-MST) EPISODES 205-210: Unknown! Send me fics!