By Zack Clopton (Psycho_Z)

For Alexia, if you’re out there


persona: n. fictional character through which an author or artist can portray
deeper feelings or ideas esp. unpopular beliefs or concepts


Shinji jumped on the bus. It was a little more crowed then usual. Maybe it was just Shinji’s outlook, but there seem to be more people present. Shinji gave the driver a knowing glance and paid his fee.

Shinji scanned the bus for a seat. His normal spot was taken. He noticed the seat in the back was open. He shuffled his way past the people who decided to stand.

Shinji landed on the seat with a subtle thump. He looked over to his left and noticed a girl. She was a redhead. She was wearing a scraggly blue over-sweater and reading a book. She was sucking on a lollypop. She was also very pretty.

Shinji couldn’t stop staring.


Shinji entered the apartment. The strong smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke filled his nostrils. It was just as filthy as he had left it. He should have figured Misato would have left it that way.

Shinji walked over to the fridge. On the door a small note was taped. It read,

“Had to work late. Be back by nine.”

Shinji sighed. Typical.

Shinji flopped down on the couch much the way he had flopped down on the bus seat. He pulled his homework out of his bag and started to work on it.

Shinji couldn’t concentrate.

It was that girl.

He had to find out her name.

The bus was just as crowded as it had been the day before. This time, Shinji didn’t give the driver a smile. He went straight to the back.

She sat in the same spot. Still wearing the same old sweater. Still reading the same old book.

Shinji caught the title just before he sat down.

“The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” Interesting choice.

Shinji tried not to stare.

Shinji simply sat in his seat and politely waited for his stop. He didn’t speak, he didn’t talk, he didn’t give any indication that he was interested. He just sat there, pleased just to be near this mystery girl.

She got off at the same place she had yesterday. An apartment complex, much like the one Shinji lived in. She placed her bookmark at her page, got up, and walked to her home.

Shinji quickly got out a notepad and wrote down the apartment complex’s address. Soon, the bus reached Shinji’s destination. Shinji got off and entered the building.


“Anything interesting happen to you today, Shinji?”

“Not really. How ‘bout you?”

“Same old, same old.”


Shinji was patiently doing his schoolwork. Misato sat on the couch, viewing the television. Shinji sat on the floor, his schoolwork sitting in his lap.

“There was something, though,” he added, “I met a girl.”

“A girl?” Misato perked her head up. “What’s her name?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m gonna’ find out.” Shinji answered another math problem.

“Where did you meet her? School?”

“No. The bus.”

“The bus?”


“Is she your age?”

“I think so…”

“Hmm… Why haven’t you asked her name?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ve found the right moment.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know. Yet, it still works.”

“I understand. I know it’s hard to believe, but I was fourteen once too.”



The next day, the bus ride was quite the same.

And the day after that…

And the day after that…

Until, one day…

“Hey! Are you following me?”

Shinji’s head turned from the window over to the face of the girl he had sat next to for so long now. Shinji figured denial was the safest way to go.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve been sitting next to me for like a month now and haven’t said a word. Are you interested in me?”

Shinji smiled. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

The girl looked at him with a curious expression.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

“Shinji Ikari.” Shinji responded. “What’s yours?”

“Asuka. Asuka Langley Donvakov.”

“Donvakov? That sounds Russian.”

“It sounds Russian because it is.”

“If you’re Russian, what are you doing in Japan? You don’t sound Russian.”

“My mother was Russian. My father was Japanese.”

“You live with your father?”

“Uncle. Why are you interested?”

“I not sure. Just curious, I guess.”

Asuka book marked her page and stood up.

“This is my stop. It was nice talking to you, Shinji. Will I see you tomorrow?”


Asuka started toward the door. “All right then.”

Then she left.

“Asuka…” Shinji whispered the name over and over again.

Russian, huh?


Asuka, Asuka, Asuka…

Shinji liked the way the name rolled off his tongue.

Shinji couldn’t get her out of his head. Maybe she was special. Maybe she was that girl he always heard about but never actually saw. That special somebody everyone is suppose to have.

Shinji wasn’t sure yet. He had find out more about her.

How many girls with the last name Donvakov could there be in Tokyo?


Shinji started to shift through the phonebook looking for the last name.


Dakashi, Donami, Dukabu...


Shinji quickly wrote down the number.

Just then, Misato walked in from work and in on to the image of Shinji looking through the phonebook.

“Shinji, what are you doing?” Misato asked in a confused tone.

“Huh? Oh! Hi, Misato! I was looking for a number...”

“Oh...” Misato’s confusion only increased. “Who’s number?”

“A person’s.” Shinji was grasping for answers.

“Um... Okay.” Misato laughed and shook it off as typical weird teenage behavior.

Why didn’t Shinji tell her the truth? There was nothing wrong with looking for the number of a girl you where romantically interested in. And yet, he acted as if she walked in on him doing something wrong...

Shinji simply ignored this issue and finished copying down the number before returning the book back to its shelf.


He didn’t call the number. He had no intention to. He was simply comforted by having it.

Shinji placed the number in one of his hard-cover books.

He placed in-between the pages of “The Works of Mark Twain.”

Interesting choice he thought to himself as he placed the book back on the shelf.

Back on the shelf... Just like before.


The bus seemed empty that day. No matter. Shinji quickly paid the driver and went back to his usual seat.

There was someone in the seat....

And he was talking to Asuka...

Shinji was confused by this at first. This guy looked a lot older then Shinji. Probably in his twenties or something. He was confident, had a nice little go-tee at the end of his chin.

And he was talking to Asuka.

She seemed to be very interested in what he was saying.

Shinji sat down in another seat, not far from her...

He slump his head down where he tried not to cry...


Shinji stared mindlessly into the computer screen, seeking some comfort in the Internet.

The Internet always had a wonderfully numbing affect on Shinji, sucking practically any feeling or intelligent thought from his mind. It was better then feeling sorry for yourself anyway.

The music on the CD player hummed softly. Shinji turned it up. Music and the Internet, great diversionary tools.

“Can you help me? I’m bent/I’m so scared that I’ll never/get put back together/you’re breaking me in”

Shinji hummed along with the tune, not knowing the words entirely. He clicked another link and buried himself further in cyber-space.

It hurt less in the morning.


Another day at school...

First period, history, Shinji’s class discussed Egypt and it’s affects on the world. Normal, boring, historical bullshit.

Second period, math. Nothing of importance ever happened in math. The class was very anti-productive.

Third period, computer studies. One of the more bearable classes. If only his classmates weren’t so irritating.

Fourth period, study hall. Shinji’s favorite class. So very quiet, very claiming.

Fifth period, gym. Shinji hated gym with a fiery passion. It was a completely pointless class. There is no need for physical education in today’s society. Plus, what was it about gym that transforms the majority of males into testosterone driven dickwads? Shinji was never sure.

Lunch period. The time when everyone congregated on the lunch hall to eat and communicate. Shinji sat alone. It was also very loud during this period.

Sixth period, science. Another slow class. Nothing of interest ever happened here.

Seventh period, English. Why the hell did Shinji need to learn English for? It’s not like he was ever going to go to America.

But then the best part of the day came. The bus ride home.

Shinji quickly trotted to the bus stop. Once there, he waited patiently for the bus to arrive, playing with his spending money in his pocket.

The bus arrived, right on time, per usual.

Shinji walked onto the bus. He was vaguely afraid that the man from yesterday was still going to be there, still chatting it up with Asuka, ready to take her home and fuck her brains out...

No, Asuka wouldn’t do that. Not to Shinji.

Much to Shinji’s relief, it was just Asuka. She was still reading the same book.

Must be a slow reader...

Not like it mattered or anything.

Shinji sat down on his seat and smiled at her. She smiled back.

“Hey!” Asuka said, her voice as cheery as usual.

One of the few things Shinji didn’t mind being the same.

“We’re where you yesterday?” Asuka put her book down.

Shinji was shocked by her actually show of concern, but still figured it would be easier to lie.

“I missed the bus.” Shinji lied through his teeth for reasons he wasn’t quite sure off.

“Well, you should’ve walked faster. I brought one of the guys from the academy. Figured you like to meet him. He’s name’s Kaji.”

Shinji was confused.


“Yeah. Didn’t I tell you about that?”

Shinji was still confused.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I go up to the academy on weekends to pick up guys. I mean, I don’t meet a lot of guys, being home schooled and all, so I go out to meet people. It can get pretty boring hanging around the same apartment all the time.”

“Yeah, I can understand that...”

At least, he would if he actually had a social life.

Shinji should stop lying.

“Anyway, Kaji is a really smart guy. He is majoring in psychology. It kinda’ fun. We always analyze each other for fun.”

Shinji laughed, “That does sound kinda’ fun. Maybe I should walk faster next time.”

“See, you should just admit that I’m always right. It’s easy.”

Both laughed. Asuka then looked out the window and blew a puff of air.

“Well, this is my stop. See ya’, Shinji.” She got up and headed for the door.

“Bye.” Shinji waved.

Shinji watched her head to her apartment. At the same time he quickly wrote down the name of the complex.

“Yoshitama Apartments.”

They where bond to have an official website.


That night, Shinji had a dream about her...

He was sitting in a completely white room. Across from Shinji, Asuka was also sitting. They started talking about the usual things. Life, television, work.

Then, one of the walls parted and blood rushed out into the little white room. Gallons and gallons of it. It stained the incredibly white walls. The two just kept talking though, completely ignoring the blood.

Hmm, Shinji should stop watching American horror films.

Then he woke up.


Shinji didn’t miss the bus this time. He got their on time, just as he always did, and he paid his fee first thing, just like he always did. And just like he always does, he sat down next to his favorite fantasy. She was sitting there, reading, just like she always was.

“Shinji, I would love to talk, but I really got to get done reading this. The essay is do tomorrow.” Asuka said, then went back to reading.

“Okay. That’s cool.” Shinji smiled at her and just sat and listened...

Listened to her heart beat...

It was nice.

Shinji went back to doing what he always did before Asuka came along. Stare out the window and watch people pass him by.

Hmm, funny thing. Shinji just realized he was his own metaphor...

Soon, Asuka arrived at her stop. She exited the bus, entered the complex, and headed for her room.

Shinji waved as the bus sped off. He didn’t think she saw.


Phone-number and apartment complex name. Shinji knew a lot about her all ready, now all he needed to know was her room number.

Numbers, numbers, numbers. Humans are all numbers...


Shinji entered the bus to see his girl sitting where she normally sits.

She was holding her head.


Shinji sat down next to her.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Headache.” She explained.

“Oh... Sorry to hear that.”

They didn’t talk much. Soon, her stop came and she left leaving Shinji feeling very lost.


The night before, things got crazy. So to speak.

Kaji took Asuka to one of those fabled collage parties. There was drinking there.

A lot of drinking.

A lot of pot, too.

There might have been various other drugs there, as well. Asuka thinks she saw some kids dropping acid, but she couldn’t tell. She was way to drunk to be sure of anything.

Music was playing. Some techno, rock thing. It had a good beat to it. Asuka danced with a bunch of guys. Swaying back and forth to the music. She danced for a good, long time.

Then things got crazy, as the saying goes.


Shinji was trying to hack into the Yoshitama Apartments website. See if he could dig up any information on its occupants. He wasn’t having any luck.

Shinji was listening to music as well. Some hard-rock, modern day remake of a classic disco song. It was pretty catchy.

Shinji continued to work at the site. His fingers type along with the rhythm of the music. Soon, he found his way into the personal information of the owners.

He surfed through the names until he came to the desired name.

Desired in more then one way.

“Donvaknov! I found it!” Shinji shouted under his breath.

He smiled as he soaked up Asuka’s personal information.

“I feel love...” Sang the computer.


Asuka stayed home, tonight. She was worn out and still not completely over her hangover. She would feel better in the morning.

She dropped two Aspirin into the cup of water. Soon, she went to bed.

She still couldn’t remember everything that had happen the night before.


Shinji awoke to the sound of his alarm clock. Much like any other day.

He could smell Misato cooking something for breakfast. It was probably Miso soup or something. That’s all they ever had anymore.

Shinji couldn’t remember his entire dream. He just knew that it was important. He think the dream had him walking down a dark alley and encountering someone. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember.

Was it important?


“You don’t live with your parents, either?” Asuka asked. She had finished her book.

“No. I live with a foster parent.” Shinji was reading, though. Something he had to do for school.

“Are you an orphan?”

“Nope. As far as I know, both my parents are still alive.”

“Then why the foster parents?”

“My mom and dad didn’t take good care of me. I don’t really remember them, anymore. I think I might’ve blocked those memories out.”

“Gee... That’s serious.” Asuka made that little, whistling “impressed” sound.

“Well, that’s all in the past. I’m happy now, with Misato.”

“Misato? She’s your foster mom?”

“Yeah. She's really nice and takes good care of me.”

The bus reached Asuka’s stop.

“Oh, time to go. Bye, Shinji!” She grabbed her books and left.

Shinji simply stared out at her, smiling.


Asuka was starting to remember what had happen at the party.

She wasn’t exactly happy with what went on, but it’s not like she was shameful or anything. She was just kinda’ disappointed in her self. Embarrassed.

After she got done dancing on the floor, she drank some more. A lot more. And she might of smoke a little pot. And there was cocaine there. She snorted a little.

Just a little.

Nothing major.

It was at this point that the memories started to all blur into one. Like the way watery paint rushes down and gets in with all the other colors.

Kaji told Asuka he wanted to see her downstairs. Asuka didn’t even know the building had a basement. Once there, Asuka thought that there was a bunch of other guys there. A bunch of guys she didn’t know. But she really didn’t care. She was to stone, to drunk, to high to care.

The guys…

They did things to her.

…sexual things.

All of them. They took turns. All of them did things with her. Sometimes, two or more of them did her at once.

Kaji did her in the mouth. And in… And in the behind…

The ass.

He fucked her in the ass and the in the mouth and in the pussy…

The guys all took turns…


And the worst part is…

She enjoyed every minute of it.


Shinji sat there, dreaming. So to speak. He wasn’t actually asleep, but he was dreaming.

Dreaming about her. His prefect little angel.

Shinji came home from school that day to another little note on the fridge. Another be home at nine, another diner’s in the oven. Another one of those.

But that didn’t bother him, Shinji still had Asuka, and that’s all that mattered.


Shinji was paying less and less attention to his schoolwork. He was caring less and less. Nothing seemed to matter.

He hadn’t seen Misato in three days. He had seen Asuka everyday this week.

They would talk about the usual stuff. Work, television, life. You know, same old, same old.

Shinji cherished every minute of it.

He was pretty sure he was in love with her.


What a nice word…

“Shinji! What are you doing?” The teacher glared at Shinji.

“Um… Nothing, Mr. Okonoma.”

Of course, nothing.

Shinji never did anything.


Shinji drudged from the school to the bus stop. His English teacher depressed him.

It got him thinking about his life.

That depressed him. Thinking about his life.

He got on to the bus about to get to the best part of the day. The bus ride home. Always the best part.

The bus stopped in front of Shinji, the door slowly opened with a creek. He walked up the steps to the interior of the bus…

He saw that somebody was sitting with his girl.

His angel…

She was talking in her ear and he was kissing all over her neck. She was giving him that mischievous smile that Shinji only saw her use once with him.

She never gave him that look.

Shinji’s fists curled up into balls. He felt something inside of him he never knew was there.

He felt it.

Shinji sat at the front of the bus, his face buried in his hands. Shinji couldn’t see anything.

He never knew what “blind rage” meant before now.


Kaji continued to whisper sweet nothings into Asuka’s ears.

“You’re a bad little girl, you know?”

She whispered back.

“Yeah, I know.”

Kaji’s hands slowly found their way up her shirt and under her breast. She let out a small moan and whispered back at him.

“Not here, Kaji. There are people here.”

“Yeah, I know. Isn’t it exciting?”

He hands slowly crept up to the front of her bra and unclipped it.

Asuka’s mouth fell back in shock.

“Kaji! Stop it! Where almost at my stop.”

“Is that so?” He whispered to her again.

“Do you want me to go and do nasty things to you?”

Asuka laughed.

“Oh, please, do.”

They both laughed. Asuka’s stop arrived. She and Kaji got up and walked to the front of the bus.

She didn’t even notice Shinji, sitting there in the front, crying and whispering profanity to himself.

“I’m gonna’ fucking kill her.” He whispered.


Shinji rushed through Misato’s bedroom. He checked under her pillow. I between the bed mattress and the frame. In the bedside counter.

It was under her bathroom sink.

A stun gun and a small caliber revolver.

It was loaded.

Shinji went to his computer and quickly printed out all the information he had work so hard to collect…

Maybe, Shinji thought as he headed out the door, his weapons and papers tucked in his coat; maybe he had subconsciously planned all of this from the beginning.


Asuka was bent over the couch arm while Kaji pumped into her, over and over again. Both where moaning and grunting and saying little things that neither could make any sense of like “Oh, God,” and “Harder.”

Over next to the couch on a small black table were three little white lines.

Kaji continued to slam his pelvis into Asuka’s hindcorders. Asuka continued to cry out in blind pleasure. Both where practically screaming, they where enjoying it so much.

Kaji’s dick was throbbing and so was Asuka’s pus. Soon, both lost control. Kaji shot off a hot stream of semen into her. She felt it inside her. He felt her how body shake with her own powerful orgasm.

Kaji fell backwards, his dick sliding out of Asuka’s insides. It was covered in both of their juices.

Asuka stood up and shouted, “Kaji, you’re an animal!”

Kaji laughed, “Yeah, that’s why you like me.”

They both laughed.

Asuka slumped over to the little black table and picked up a near-by straight razor. She cut the coke into little lines and dropped her faces right onto them, inhaling. She laughed and stood straight up, grasping at her noise.

“Ah, man. Where do you get this shit? You’re gonna’ mess me up.” Asuka laughed and climbed up onto Kaji’s body. She could feel his wet dog poking her in the naval.

Asuka laughed again. She started to kiss down his chest, sucking on his nipple on the way down.

“Man, what the fuck are you doing?”

Asuka let out another strange, giddy laugh. “I’m gonna’ suck your dick.”

Kaji laughed again. “Now, come on. I’m a little worn out. Let me rest some.”

Asuka continue to move her head down his body. “I don’t care. I need you in my mouth,” she kissed at the area just about his pubic hair, “I love the way you taste. I love the way you make me feel.”

Kaji let out a gasp as Asuka’s cold lips wrapped around his shaft.

A few minutes passed and nothing changed.



Shinji walked down the street. The sun had gone down. It was dark earilier then it normally was.

Shinji felt the gun, heavy in his pocket. He felt the stun gun, heavy in his boot. He checked his papers one more time; just to make sure he was heading in the right direction.

Yeah, he recognized a lot of this. He had seen it all on the bus ride before.

It all comes back to the bus, doesn’t it?

That’s kinda’ funny.

Shinji stood in front of the complex. The moon cast an eerie glow over everything. Shinji sighed. He felt the gun in his pocket one more time. What it strange feeling he got when he held it.

Shinji walked through the building, through it’s various, long, interlocking hallways.

He reached the door.


Shinji could hear her moaning on the other side.

He removed the gun from his coat pocket and aimed at the lock on the door.



“Man, didn’t I say not to suck it just yet?”

Asuka took her head off his cock.

“Didn’t I tell you I couldn’t wait?”

“Yeah, baby, I know. But, come on, I need a break!”

She let out a disappointed noise.

Then, a gun shot. Asuka’s head perked up.

“What the fuck is that?”

The door came open and in walked Shinji. He saw the nude Asuka and Kaji. He saw the coke dust around her noise. He saw Kaji’s wet, limp, dick. He saw the come on her lips.

He lost it, so to speak.

Shinji walked over, blinded yet again, and pulled the trigger. He unloaded the entire gun into Kaji’s chest. He didn’t even scream. But he bleed…

He bleed a lot.

Blood flowed out of the wounds and down, around, his nude form. The blood splattered out onto the ugly orange carpet.

Asuka screamed.

Shinji continued to pull the trigger even after the gun was empty. After Shinji realized the gun was empty he threw it at Kaji’s corpse. It landed with a wet thud.

Asuka never stopped screaming.

Shinji grabbed the stun gun and hit her in the face with it.

Full blast.

He never meant to kill her.


Two years later, Shinji met a nice, quiet girl named Rei Ayanami. She was always calm and always listened to Shinji. She never gave him those blank stares that Asuka would give him. Shinji later went on and married her. On their wedding night, he asked if it was her first time having intercourse. She said yes. Shinji was happy that time.

And they lived happily ever after.


The end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any related characters. I also don’t own Mark Twain either. Just to clear that up.