HEY Gendo! Stop SKULLFUCKING REI YOU BASTARD!

By InsaneNoodlyGuy, leader of the petition to enforce anime skullfucking laws.
kagato23@yahoo.com

It was another fine and normal day at NERV. There were birds singing. Shinji was in one of the many bathrooms jerking off to gay porn. Askua was somewhere else being a bitch. Kaji was fucking somebody who wasn’t Misato. Lilith was hanging around. Get it? Hanging around? Man I’m funny. But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Minor characters whom only otaku remember* were doing there stupid ass stuff. Maya was being gay, Ritsuko was testing something, Keel Lorenz had fallen and couldn’t get up.

*I don’t know em! I don’t! I… dammit! Fine! I’m an otaku okay? Sue me!

And Gendo’s skullfucking Rei again. Wait, what? OH DEAR GOD!

Nope. I wish I was on drugs, but I’m not. He is. Gendo’s in his religiously significant office, with his pants around his ankles. Rei’s on her knees. Now you figure, “hey, classic blow job situation!” And that would be okay. Sure she’s underage, but she’s hot! And she is sorta his wife. Or daughter, or... something. But noooooo… Mr. Fucked up here has his dick in her fucking eye socket! It’s very good you can’t see this people! There’s lots of blood and mucus and tears here! Cause he’s fucking her eye, if you just turned in! Sweet Jesus, stop this!

Yet there is no stopping. Rei’s just sitting there. Blinking with tears, and that damn facial expression of her’s. She’s in her plug suit. Gendo you are a perverted FUCKHEAD! Dieeeee. Just dieeeeeeeeee.

But apparently I don’t mean jack shit. Because he’s still skull fucking her. Forget the Eva unit 1 experiment, I think we know now how Yui really disappeared. She’s probably in some damn dumpster somewhere because her husband SKULLFUCKED HER! Why does this happen? I’m gonna be sick!

Still going! He’s moaning and groaning and sweating and his balls are slapping against her nose and he’s all sweaty and he has a gut he must have been sucking in all this time. Yep. He’s riding that socket like a little bitch. His mouth is groaning but his hips are like “Who’s your daddy? WHO’S YOUR DADDY!” Rei’s taking it like a whore on heroin that needs the cash for her next high and can’t feel a damn thing. Hell, maybe she is. That’d explain a hell of a lot wouldn’t it? If ever a man deserved to burn in hell, it’d be this guy. Gendo is a pimp of the damned!

Oh look. Maya just walked in the office. Finally somebody is doing something to stop this insanity, you worthless shitlickers.

“Sir, you… OH SWEET JESUS!” Maya screamed out. “Is that your penis in her eye-socket?!?!” Gendo shrugged. Maya is vomiting, instead of jacking off like the rest of you fuckheads. Rei’s just staring with her good eye. Oh Christ. Did I just say that? Now I’m gonna be sick! Ugh. I just was sick.

“Relax Maya.” Ritsuko says. Oh she’s here too. And she doesn’t seem to be surprised. Oh lovely. Well, she’s fucking Gendo, we know she’s messed up. Oh look, her hands are in her pants. She’s masturbating. Why not? My mind is already destroyed. Now life is after my soul.

“Relax?” Maya’s blurting. “He’s fucking her eye! He’s plugging in the socket! Stuffing the brain turkey! Why not just squick* her while your at it, you sick bastard!”

*for those of you who haven’t read horrible doujin or are horrible people, that’s making an orfrice in the head with a drill or whatnot. It is disgusting. You freak.

“Aww… but it’s turning me on! I like watching Rei die. And it’s not like we can’t just get another.” Ritsuko shrugged.

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Maya screams. “HE’S FUCKING HER EYE! THIS IS WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!” Maya is pausing, presumably to take a breath. “WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! Okay I’m done.”

“Ahh, cool down Maya. Tell you what. I’ll give you sweet dickgirl love.”

Maya raises an eyebrow “You’re a dickgirl?”

Ritsuko shrugs. “It’s an anime fanfic based on evil doujin. I can be a dickgirl if I want.”

“You mean like how I now have breasts that’d keep a farmhouse in business and sever my spinal cord?”

“Exactly!”

And so, Maya got some sweet dickgirl loving with her big cow udders and Gendo is still putting the raging cock in Rei's eye. You people are sick fuckers. Eat shit and die. I’m gonna go eat things. That aren't shit.

The horrible horrible end.