By David 'Psaiyan' Hawthorne
As the barbiturates embraced her, Rei felt as though she were wrapped in a blanket of the finest purple velvet.
She floated upon high, surrounded by gentle air currents in a bright blue, sunny sky. She was no longer afraid. Everything was okay now.
Her arms and legs seemed to float off by themselves into the green. She didn't need them, because she had not a care in the world. Below, behind, above, as well as in dimensions that did not, or no longer existed, the rainbows followed.
The small brown bottle dropped from her grip, hanging in mid air for several seconds as it slowly rotated about its axis. The name 'Gendo Ikari' detached itself from the label and floated above in glowing pink kanji, before dropping out of existence, swiftly followed by the bottle.
Ten thousand million little blue pills.
The wooden floor of her bedroom felt softer than the finest feather mattress as it rushed up to meet her.
All was right with the world.
She understood the world 'seduce', but only as an abstract.
tr.v. se·duced, se·duc·ing, se·duc·es
1. To lead away
from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct.
2. To induce to engage in sex.
a. To entice or beguile into a desired state or position.
b. To win over; attract.
[Middle English seduisen, from Old French seduire, seduis-, alteration (influenced by Medieval Latin sdcere, to lead astray), of suduire, to seduce from Latin subdcere, to withdraw : sub-, sub- + dcere, to lead; see deuk- in Indo-European Roots.]"
Knowing very little about the behaviour of other humans, and even less about the intricacies of love, lust and attraction, aside from the basic physical mechanics, Rei did not even know where to begin with Gendo.
So many subtle looks and gestures between male and female; signals of interest, signals of receptiveness, signals of want, signals of need. The behaviour of lovers she had observed from her limited viewpoint on the world confounded her. People simply did not strip naked and jump upon the object of their desire - rather, they were actors, engaging in discreet performances of a work that made no sense to her. A foreign language.
It frustrated her. Why could Commander Ikari not behave towards her as he had when he believed her to be asleep? Why could he not simply enter her room and kiss her, run his hands over her, take pleasure in her? All she wanted was to feel his warm body against hers, the strength of his arms encircling her, the weight of his body on top of her, his hands on her breasts, his maleness sheathed deeply within her body, his hot seed filling her womb.
Why could he not just take her, then keep her as his woman forever without all of this unnecessary effort? After all, she mused - the animals seemed happy living this way.
Why did everything have to be so complicated?
The dusty grandfather clock read half-past 2 o'clock. Gendo was slow to answer the knock at his study door. Rei shivered slightly in the draughty hallway as the crack at the bottom was illuminated. The sound of shuffling feet. The turn of a key in the lock.
"Yes? What is it Rei?" Gendo wore a blue flannel night-shirt that reached almost to his ankles. His hair was dishevelled, his eyes tired and heavy-lidded. He smelt of whisky. She thought he looked gorgeous.
"I could not sleep." Rei blinked her stunning maroon eyes, clasping her hands together. She wore only her loose-fitting school shirt, the top three buttons unfastened. It reached down far enough to cover her panties, sweeping upwards at the sides, leaving the soft, pale skin of her hips exposed, along with the entire length of her silky-smooth thighs.
Gendo's eyes narrowed. A flash of anger crossed his face, only to disappear as quickly as it had come. He folded his arms across his chest.
"Why are you bothering me?" his voice betrayed his annoyance.
Rei looked back, blankly.
"Go back to bed, Rei." He grunted gruffly at her.
"Yes, sir." Rei tipped her head forward slightly as Gendo swung the door shut, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and fore-finger as he did so. She turned to walk away as she heard him fumbling with the key.
Sometimes feelings of attraction can make a person act against their nature. This was one of those times.
Her shoulder throbbed, a dull ache at the spot it had connected squarely with the door. Fragments of splintered wood from the doorframe had exploded outwards several feet. Gendo had been thrown backwards as the door connected squarely with his face, the bookcase halting his momentum. He glared at her in a mixture of disbelief and fury, blood trickling slowly from his right nostril as he clutched his palm to his forehead. His glasses had fallen to the floor.
"I cannot sleep." Rei stood in the middle of the room, taking in her surroundings.
Gendo had thousands of books. When he had run out of shelf space, he had resorted to piling them on the floor. He had wall charts filled with symbols, both scientific and arcane, which Rei did not understand. There were a lot of empty whisky and vodka bottles lying around on every available surface. Beside the grubby pillow of his single bed lay an old, red leather-bound tome with the words "Paradise Lost" in gold lettering on the spine. The room smelt strongly of tobacco.
"You... you... broke down my door!" he sounded incredulous.
"I am feeling cold." Rei fixed him with her gaze.
"Have you lost your mind? Get out!" he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
"Look at my skin. Look how soft and smooth it is."
"Get out of my room. Now!" Gendo's voice shook with anger.
"It is completely flawless. I have no moles or blemishes anywhere upon my body." She ran a finger slowly along her cheekbone, and stroked the extra-sensitive skin of her neck. She cupped her left breast and gently squeezed it through her shirt, her nipple hardening almost instantly against the thin cotton. "Would you like to see for yourself, Commander?"
"REI! What are you talking about?"
"Would you like to touch me?" she began to unbutton the remainder of her shirt.
"Leave me alone!" clenching his fists, Gendo screamed at the top of his voice. Veins bulged at his temples.
"I want you..." Rei slowly slid her hand inside the waistband of her panties.
"I am still tight inside, even after the Angel raped me..."
Gendo's face twitched...
There was complete silence...
"YOU LITTLE BITCH! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I KILL YOU!"
Commander Ikari's hands closed around Rei's throat as he pinned her against the wall with all his strength. His bloodstained visage was contorted with blind rage and tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he began to squeeze the life from her. She remained totally impassive.
"LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" his hot breath rasped against her face. Rei did not change her expression. She could not breathe
"YOU'RE JUST A CHEAP LITTLE SLUT! NO WONDER IT RAPED YOU!" Gendo ground his teeth, his eyes bulging from his skull. Rei's vision began to blur. She began to feel dizzy. She smiled at him. He spat in her face.
Gendo slammed the door behind him as Rei lay in a heap in the hallway, gasping for breath. She could still hear him snarling. The sound of objects being thrown.
Her lip was bleeding - he had punched her in the face with all his strength. She had continued to smile.
Her ribs throbbed. It hurt to breathe. He had kicked her once, twice, three times. She had continued to smile.
Rei walked across the cold blue tiles of the bathroom floor and opened the medicine cabinet. She reached for a small brown glass bottle, the location of which she had memorised when she first arrived, just in case.
The label read 'Phenobarbital'
"If I cannot be yours..."
Rei Ayanami gazed at the diffuse moonlight through the frosted glass windowpane. She smiled one again, before walking purposefully to her bedroom.